And the two don’t bleed into one another very well. Just because you fall in love with someone doesn’t necessarily mean they’re a good partner for you to be with over the long term. These unrealistic expectations then sabotage the very relationships we hold dear in the first place.Īllow me to illustrate: 1. The problem with idealizing love is that it causes us to develop unrealistic expectations about what love actually is and what it can do for us. And the success of our relationships hinges on these deeper and more important values. We understand that there are things more important in our lives and our relationships than simply being in love. After all, if love solves everything, then why bother with all the other stuff-all of the hard stuff?īut if, like Reznor, we believe that “love is not enough,” then we understand that healthy relationships require more than pure emotion or lofty passions. When we believe that “all we need is love,” then like Lennon, we’re more likely to ignore fundamental values such as respect, humility, and commitment towards the people we care about. As a result, our relationships pay a price. And because we idealize love, we overestimate it. Our movies and our stories and our history all celebrate it as life’s ultimate goal, the final solution for all of our pain and struggle. We see it as some lofty cure-all for all of life’s problems. In our culture, many of us idealize love. One of these men was probably a narcissistic asshole. One of these men idealized love as the solution to all of his problems. One of these two men had a clear and realistic understanding of love. Thirty-five years later, Trent Reznor from Nine Inch Nails wrote a song called “Love Is Not Enough.” Reznor, despite being famous for his shocking stage performances and his grotesque and disturbing videos, got clean from all drugs and alcohol, married one woman, had two children with her, and then canceled entire albums and tours so that he could stay home and be a good husband and father. In 1967, John Lennon wrote a song called, “All You Need Is Love.” He also beat both of his wives, abandoned one of his children, verbally abused his gay Jewish manager with homophobic and anti-semitic slurs, and once had a camera crew film him lying naked in his bed for an entire day.
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